


This Pleases Rehtt

by festivalofpudding (berreh)



Category: Rhett & Link
Genre: Gift Fic, M/M, MerRhett, Purple Prose, Rehtt No, does this count as tentacle sex idk maybe, touched by his googly appendage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-27
Updated: 2017-06-27
Packaged: 2018-11-19 14:04:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,859
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11314923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/berreh/pseuds/festivalofpudding
Summary: A gift fic requested by and dedicated to Babashook. Please enjoy this turgid masterpiece of fantastical erotica penned by the magic hands of our very ownpretty princess.





	This Pleases Rehtt

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Babashook](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Babashook/gifts).



**Author’s Note**

_greetings degenerehtts_

_the quality adult literature u are about 2 read was written by me for my BFF link. he refused to read it, something about “inappropriate” and “embarrassing”, so i read it aloud 2 him for his enjoyment. his eyebrows went like this / \ and he even retched a few times 2 let me know how much he loved it. now i wish 2 share this gift with u, my faithful degenerehtts (and delinkuents if that is how u choose to live ur life). i am a very modest and humble person, so i will merely say this is the finest erotic encounter ever penned by human hand and leave it at that. it is up to u 2 form ur own opinion of its beauty and greatness. i encourage u to make it part of a sexy evening of sensual massage and a fine selection of barbecued meats and 27 different kinds of cheese with the 1 u love. u can thank me later._

-[rehtt](https://rehttno.tumblr.com/)

~

 **This Pleases Rehtt**  
**a Sexy Story by Rehtt**

The morning began like any other. I arose from my waterbed and ventured to the mirror, where I gazed at my reflection as I went through my usual morning routine. First I tamed my long and silky golden tresses with my favorite comb which I handmade from some driftwood I found. Next I groomed my soft and luxurious flaxen beard using my own special blend of waterproof beard oils (available at rehttandlink.com/store). I then moisturized my naturally well-defined upper body with my favorite lotion, which smells like rustic boat timber and ocean musk. All the while my eyes blinked back at me through their lush and aurulent lashes. I have very nice eyes; a little too large perhaps, but still quite pretty. People tell me their color is unique and difficult to describe, but I’m sure they could do it if they tried hard enough. As I turned to examine myself in the mirror I once again felt grateful for my quirky yet effortless prettiness, from my naturally taut trapezius muscles to the v-shape thing on my lower belly like what bodybuilders have. The scales on my pelvic corselet are small and even, and they sparkle in just the right lighting. My tail is well-muscled and shapely, yet smooth and firm. My caudal fins are pert and nicely separated.

As you may have guessed, I am a merman. You may call me Rehtt — my actual name is far too difficult for human tongues to pronounce, so I chose Rehtt for use when interacting with your species because it is a sexy and masculine name, like Chuck or Earl. I live alone in a cave at the bottom of the ocean, which is kind of like a cabin in the woods but with seaweed and medical waste instead of trees. I enjoy an active and fulfilling lifestyle of swimming, eating, and personal grooming, and I have a very successful entrepreneur business crafting driftwood combs for other mer-persons. And yet despite my success and popularity, I have always felt that something was missing from my life, though I could never define exactly what that something was. I did not yet know it, but today I was going to find out.

After my usual breakfast of sea oat porridge and a kelp smoothie, I went for a swim to get some exercise. Ever since I awoke that morning I had felt strangely restless, and so I swam further from my cave and ventured closer to human land than I usually do. I did not want to return to my cave, for I had no driftwood combs on back-order that day, and so I let the current carry me near the surface and floated lazily for a while in the warm water, enjoying how the sunlight made my hair look extra silky and my tail shimmer with viridian luminescence. I was not surprised when I saw the shape of a small fishing boat not far away, for I had ventured far closer to the shore than I originally intended. However, I was quite surprised when I realized that the faint music I heard was not my own imagination but the voice of a human in the boat. He was singing.

Intrigued, I swam closer. It was the most beauteous voice I had ever heard — I mean, a little more nasal than mine, not quite the same ringing baritone, but still really nice. I was instantly mesmerized by its beguiling dulcet tones. Wishing to know more about this human, I dared to approach the surface and gaze through the clear water in an attempt to see him. I could not help but note the irony of the situation: a human enticing a merman with his song, rather than the opposite! I could not help myself — it was so amazing to discover a human who can sing as well as I can. I could see his shape clearly through the rippling water: facing away from me, but I could easily make out a pair of wide, sturdy shoulders and a lithe and slender body, with narrow hips and a shapely backside. Surreptitiously I allowed my head to breach the surface, keeping myself concealed in the shadow of the boat. Then he turned just enough for me to see his face, and my large and pretty eyes grew even larger.

He was the most handsome human I had ever laid eyes upon. He had the fair but ruddy skin of a coastal man, weathered in just the right places without looking old and gross or anything. His hair was midnight ebony, falling across his brow in enticing black tendrils, and his azure eyes were ringed by dusky black lashes. He wore only a pair of trousers rolled to the knee; standing barefoot amid a pile of fishing nets, he sang to himself as he coiled rope around one well-muscled arm, his ample triceps flexing in the morning sun.

I would have let out a breath I didn’t know I’d been holding, except I have gills and it doesn’t really work like that, but my oxygenation process was definitely interrupted by the sight of this glorious male human. I watched him for some time, only dipping back beneath the water to keep my gills wet — captivated by the sight of his bare shoulders, his strong hands, his lovely collarbones, his delightfully furry tummy. He was preparing to throw out his nets for the first morning catch, singing an ancient sea shanty about beguiling beauty and danger lurking in the rocky shoals. But no siren’s call would ensnare this ravishing specimen of humanity, not if I had anything to say about it. I became determined to speak to him. But how? Perhaps I could follow his boat to port and take human form — I had not done that in many years, but for those shoulders I was willing to take the risk.

I hastily dipped out of sight when he approached the boat’s side and bent to toss the nets into the sea. But the rising sun scintillating on my opalescent flesh was simply too brilliant, and unwittingly I caught his eye. Damn my sparkling radiance! He leaned over to stare into the water, squinting in incredulity, his cerulean orbs glowing in the rosy dawn. Suddenly they widened as he saw my face, and he stumbled backward in shock. His feet became entangled in his nets and he slipped — the small boat rocked, he lost his balance and fell — I heard a thump and saw a drop of red cloud the water around his head as he sank. He did not swim, but swiftly began to plummet into the depths. He would drown if I did not do something!

I dove for him and seized him about the waist, thankful once again for my natural upper body strength as I swam hastily for the surface. Hauling him upward, I heaved his inert form onto the boat and then leaped in after him. I landed atop his sprawled form, my tail curling around his legs, my pelvic fins draped over his belly. Anxiously I peered into his face. Was he breathing? Up close he was even more beautiful: ruddy face with a sun-kissed brow, dense onyx lashes, sweetly curving cheeks, and exquisite cupid’s-bow lips. He seemed to be stunned, not injured, but I thought I should check to make sure. I leaned closer to listen for breath — and then closer, and closer still, until I touched my lips to his.

With a startled gasp the human awoke. He struggled to rise, spluttering a mouthful of water as he brushed the raven hair from his face. Quickly I closed my gills to hide them and drew air into my lungs so I could speak.

“Don’t be afraid.”

For a moment those beauteous aquamarine globes blinked at me in silence. Then the human drew a breath and screamed out an ear-piercing shriek directly into my face.

Luckily I can close my ears and only heard a dull muffled roar. When it was over I smiled my prettiest smile at him and said, “You fell overboard and hit your head. I saved you. My name is Rehtt. What is your name?”

I batted my long amber lashes as I spoke for maximum results. I know what a mer-voice sounds like to human ears, and the effect was obvious at once. The human stopped wriggling beneath me and looked at me in amazement, his twin turquoise spheres examining me from top to tail: the ocean drops clinging to my beard, the wet hair streaming over my shoulders, the teal and viridian stripes accentuating my arms and chest down the place where my belly morphs into my glittering pelvic corselet and my sea-emerald tail glistens curvaceously in the sun. I curled one caudal fin at him in a little wave and watched his eyes widen. Eventually he stammered, “Are... are you a...?”

“Yes.”

His full lips parted sensuously and he bit the lower one briefly before saying, “I’ve always wanted to see a mermaid.”

“Alas, I cannot help you with that,” I teased. “But now you have seen a merman.”

He raised himself onto his elbows, bringing his face closer to mine. Glancing down at our bodies so near to each other he said huskily, “Indeed I have. My name is Charles. But you can call me Link.”

“Link. I have never heard that human name. You must be a very special human, Charles Link.” Leaning closer, I arched my sculpted eyebrows and added, “ _Very_ special.”

His slender yet masculine body trembled beneath me and he whispered breathlessly, “Rehtt.... how can I ever thank you for saving my life?”

I drew him into my arms and said, “Would you like me to show you?”

“Oh yes!” he purred. “Yes!”

I smothered his lips with my own and explored the roomy interior of his cheeks with my well-practiced tongue. Charles Link squirmed against me, mewling (that’s the cat noise, right? I am not fully educated in land-based mammal sounds) in ecstasy, his human arousal hot and turgid against my pelvic area. His hard length brushed my right lateral line and sent white-hot pleasure coursing through my entire sub-dorsal anatomy. I entwined him in my ardent embrace as our tongues fought for dominance because we are both males and that is what male tongues do. Our passion grew until Charles Link broke our kiss to whisper nervously into my ear.

“Rehtt.... I am a human and you are a merman. How can we ever love?”

“I will show you, Charles Link,” I said huskily.

I guided his trembling hand to the hidden place between my pelvic fins where iridescent skin conceals my secret treasure. When the soft scales parted and his fingers touched my humid orifice, he gasped and drew back his hand.

“But you are a man!” he exclaimed in alarm.

I merely smiled and brought his hand back to my body, pressing it inward until his fingers found the tip of my tumescent extremity — for this part of my inner sanctum is not an entrance but an outlet. With a blissful sigh I allowed my aqueous member to emerge from its hiding place until it settled in Charles Link’s grip, as warm and hard as his own appendage, its malachite skin pulsing in time with our racing hearts. Charles Link’s comely cobalt rondures grew first large with surprise and then heavy with desire. He squeezed his fingers once, grinning coquettishly, and I nearly reached my sublime apex right there, but I contained myself and gripped his lithe body in my arms to flip us over in the slippery boat. Now he lay atop me, his strong thighs straddling my quivering tail. I moved his hand still lower to my other opening, my most secret of secret places, and felt his hard length grow harder and lengthier. As he opened his trousers I glanced down for a quick peek (I hadn’t seen a human one in a while) before moaning in pleasure as he dared to probe my warm flesh with one finger.

“Go on,” I urged him exigently.

Shaking with the force of his ardor, he impaled me upon his turgid human spear until we both cried out in carnal rapture. My celadon extremity was pressed between our equally toned abdominal muscles, exquisitely stroked in time with each thrust of his quite talented hips. It had been many years since I shared pleasure with a human, and never had I coupled with a human as flexible and well-endowed as this one. I breathed in his human scent, a salty-sweet mix of sweat and warm flesh, knowing he was also inhaling my deep-seated musky essence. He curled his fingers in my damp yet still luxurious mane while I slid my hands down to clutch his curvaceous backside.

“Oh Rehtt,” Charles Link gasped between groans of pleasure. “Your beard is so luxuriant and shiny.”

“Thank you,” I panted. “I will happily share my pomade with you.” Between greedy kisses I added, “And you... your lips are so soft and smooth. What is that intoxicating flavor?”

“My lip balm. I purchased it at—oh—” The rest of his reply was lost in a cry of ecstasy as his tumultuous climax overwhelmed him. The force of his culmination was so sudden and so fierce that I too exploded in a paroxysm of pleasure, my ardent member throbbing with its own release (though I curled the tip away at the last second so as not to get milt everywhere). As my caudal fins twitched with fading pulses of bliss, Charles Link collapsed atop my chest, his head nestled in the soft thicket of citrine and chartreuse curls dusting my chest. I smoothed his obsidian locks from his forehead and stretched one arm behind my head, luxuriating in the warm sun on my skin and the weight of the sated male body sprawled atop my own. Just as I was on the verge of falling sleep, I heard a drowsy voice.

“...Rehtt?”

“Yes?”

“Must you return to the sea?”

“Yes, I am afraid so. But not just yet. I can breathe the air like you, but not forever. The water is where I belong. But I would like to see you again, Charles Link. I have never met anyone like you in all the oceans of the world.”

“I would like that very much, Rehtt. I have never met anyone like you either.” With a soft laugh he added, “When I set out with my nets this morning, I thought only to catch a fish for my dinner." He moved against me and settled into my arms in the manner of one spoon nestled against another. “But it is you who have caught me, merman Rehtt. I think you and I could be very good friends.”

“I think so too, Charles Link.”

I smiled and drew him closer, and in a moment he fell asleep. Soon enough I would have to return to my cave at the bottom of the sea and return to the affairs of my handmade driftwood comb and waterproof beard oil businesses, but for now I was content to doze in the warm sunlight. The restlessness I had felt since I gazed at myself in the mirror that morning, the sense of incompletion that had marred my otherwise perfect existence for some time, was gone. Though I had only known this human for less than an hour, I somehow felt that I had known him all my life, and I knew that our companionship had only just begun. As I fell asleep with the memory of sapphire eyeballs and shapely triceps lingering in my mind and a peculiarly perfect pleasantness lingering on my lips, I realized that I had just lived out the first chapter of a very special story, a story which I must record in painstaking detail as soon as possible and share on the internet for others to read and enjoy so that they might increase the sensual pleasure in their own lives. 

You're welcome.


End file.
